we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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