woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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