how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
