Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
