I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
