you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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