Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
