hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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