you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
