Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
