what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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