made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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