he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
