Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
