one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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