just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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