I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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