She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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