You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
