I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
