Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
