Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
