so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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