Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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