I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
