so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
