I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
