Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i think i just lost a toe
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
