I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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