I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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