I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he shaved USA in his pubs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
