OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
