My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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