i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
