I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
