oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
