Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
operation harelip BJ is a go
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His nipple licking is glorious
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