I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
