Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
