shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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