Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
