You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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