just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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