We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
