Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
