So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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