You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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