Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
