Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
