You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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