wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
