nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
