Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
