Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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