i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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