Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize