You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
