You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
