I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...