And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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