.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry