So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need to calm my uterus...