she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.